Jedi as serial scammers though. Every mission includes a sidequest to sabacc table for extra cash. Padawans on their first outing be like ‘but I thought the senate was funding this mission’ yes little one but they will ride our arses for every cent so let’s go fleece some rich asshole. He won’t even notice. You know how cops were invented to protect private property? Well jedi are here to protect your everything except your private property. *force tricks an atm into printing free money* that, my very young padawan, is something we call a victimless crime.
[Image ID: Screenshot of Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi from The Phantom Menace. A speech bubble has been edited onto it to appear as if Qui-Gon is saying the original post. /End ID]
Hummed, muffled words echoed through the Negotiator’s halls, around corners, behind doors. Every clone, every natborn was on edge, hunted look around their eyes and shoulders. The lights seemed to flicker childhood-bright but to the instruments everything was as it should be.
The campaign had ended so abruptly. A shadow falling over the battlefield like a sun eclipse, Cody’s General… dissolved. For no reason he could discern. Just the perception of Obi-Wan suddenly wavering, literally going up in smoke, and rushing to the sentient enemy commander with a rolling mass of dead groans and screams.
White as a sheet, cowering behind a tank where the smoke left them, the enemy General had begged Cody to accept their capitulation.
Obi-Wan had gone back to his duties, face placid and unassuming. Like nothing of notice had even happened. Cody shivered.
It was the silenced air that had goosebumps break out on Cody’s arms. A forced absence of sounds concentrated in Obi-Wan’s quarters. It let Cody hear the things it wanted him aware of only. Suggestions to his senses he should heed. The steady drip of thick liquid. The blue night-sky-glowing where Obi-Wan’s eyes were supposed to be calm, stormy in color. Not…this.
“General?” Cody asked quietly, eyes adjusting to the dark room. “Obi-Wan? Are you alright?”
“I’ve never felt better, my dear.”
“Are you—“ The lights turned on with a too-loud click and buzz, too bright and Kamino-white. Cody squeezed his eyes shut just to escape.
After a moment he opened them again, blinked against the information his head was picking up automatically. Suppressed the swallow at seeing dark things drip from Obi-Wan’s fingers, onto the table, the floor, his lips. “Are you sure?” Because this seemed anything but okay.
“I am what I’m supposed to be,” Obi-Wan said, almost singing the words, voice melodious and a terror pin pricking Cody’s neck.
Dreamed that there was a mundane-setting TTRPG I’m going to call “Greg and Maureen” where the players are visiting a non-player character couple their characters are friends with. But the couple is going through a rough spot! The objective was to investigate their relationship and either to help their marriage or hasten their divorce. It’s always small town and you’re always staying at their house. Players could add a little flavor of how they knew Greg and Maureen and even choose some minor traits for them before the game.
I’d played the game with another group before, but I didn’t know there were multiple paths. There’s a note Greg writes confessing to something, but depending on the dice roll it’s a different note. The content of a major plot point depended on a 2d6 dice roll.
In the dream, I’d previously played a version where he confessed to cheating on Maureen with another woman, so I thought Maureen should see the note, but in the game we were playing, my friend Celia found the note, which actually said that Greg was dishonorably discharged from the army for a gay relationship (he’s bisexual) before he met Maureen, and that he had lied about having had an honorable discharge. So for a while I came off as an asshole because I kept saying that Maureen needed to know the contents of the note so that she could confront him about what he did to her, and my friend seemed to me to be unusually blasé about what I thought was an affair.
There were other possible notes. In other timelines he had never had an affair, never been in the army, never even loved her, etc. There was another possible note where you learned he’d lied to her that he was good at track in high school (imagine an impressive mile time, which my dream mind supplied as 6:40, though that won’t even get you into varsity level) when he was actually bad at track in high school (14 minute mile). This was a lie he’d told, like, once, and he and Maureen almost never talked about running or high school sports.
In every possible timeline, Greg was Utterly Wracked with guilt about his secret. Yes, even the high school track universe.
Also, if players had decided that Greg was white before the game, you could unlock a timeline where his secret was that his distant ancestors had been in league with THE Devil from Christianity between like 1830s and 1910s. (The devil was just their accountant. He was ashamed of them for non-devil reasons.) In this timeline, you could actually meet the devil.
You didn’t find a note in every timeline, so sometimes you had to work off other evidence. I had only ever played mainly investigating Greg, but you could also focus on investigating Maureen. I think the other players and I just suspected him of hiding something every time, due to our biases. Sorry Greg! Guess we weren’t real gregheads.
oh yeah have i ever told yall of the academic war i have been an unwilling soilder in for the past two years
okay SO. i have two professors that both teach this one subject, but different classes. they have different last names, so i didnt know this at first and espically since they are academic RIVELS at my school, but they are MARRIED. but for the past 8 years they have been in an academic WAR of geospatical sciences data. more accurately, the raster vs vector data debate. i am personally on the side of “both have their pros and cons and can be utalizied to the utmost efficency” but both professors are like, DEADLOCKED in insistanting one is better then the other
so, professor A is my mentor. i like him a lot, and he was the main person that taught me the most abotu Eris and ArcGIS. professor B is a professor i had one for class, and shes nice and knows a lot of little tricks about Eris programming but mostly relies on arcMAP because shes the raster data professor.
and THESE MOTHERFUCKERS. have written no less then 30 papers that is basically like a “re: re: re: re: re: re: vector data is better then raster fuck you” but like, Professionally. and they leave stupid notes in the footnotes that read “Reguardless of Professor A’s opinions reguarding the efficency of Vector data, Raster data has a more efficant polygon computing rate and is the most commonly used program on interplantaring mapping” and its HILARIOUS
ive read all of their papers, and its basically like reading an email chain between a married couple arguing over the colors of the kitchen backsplash for their new home. its HILARIOUS. but obviously, because of their differnet last names and because they act like they HATE each other, NOT VERY MANY PEOPLE REALIZES THEYRE MARRIED
until like LAST WEEK
professor B publishes a paper that casually drops the word “husband”
and obviously all the students are like “oh i didnt know u were married!” because we read that shit like how white suburban mothers read People Magazine
and shes like “yeah, its Professor A”
and we all FLIPPED. THE FUCK. OUT
we thought the framed picture of the two of them on professor A’s desk was ironic because hes that type of guy
like, you gotta undestand. these two have gotten into YELLING matches in hallways. these two refuse to go onto trips with each other. but apparently they have a system where they quite LITERALLY leave all of their work at work and drive home in seperate cars and literally NEVER mention work at home. it is SO funny
new gender idea: guy who is super masculine and uses he/him pronouns, but every time someone acknowledges his gender or asks about it he switches to feminine presentation and she/her pronouns and refuses to acknowledge the change
sorry. *girl who is super feminine and uses she/her but everytime someone asks she switches to masc and he/him and refuses to acknowledge the change
i would… i would do so much… i would do everything and anything for her.
[VD: A tiktok of a buff, blonde woman in a green and cream dress and a white hairband. Text over the screen reads “I forget that I can’t wear cute cottagecore outfits because I’m jacked and I look ridiculous”. The video then cuts to a woman with brown hair and blonde highlights, who has a thick Slavic accent, and she says: “What is more cottagecore than being strong from ploughing fields and moving the tractors? You are beautiful strong woman. You are cottagecore.” /End ID]
